10 Ways to a Cleaner, Quicker, Less Costly Divorce – Part 2

Attorney Harry Kaufman • October 19, 2018

Sadness, self-doubt, and a sense of failure are often the psychic costs of a divorce. However, while mourning and a grieving process are inevitable, there are ways to stave off the worst consequences of a hiring a divorce attorney. Divorce mediation is a much better alternative,

These are six more steps to a quick, less expensive divorce without an attorney,

Step Five : come to Mediation sessions on time, and keep lists of questions and concerns. Writing down your questions prior to sessions helps you use the time effectively.

Step Six : Avoid blaming the other party for past problems in the marriage. Turn the page. The mediation process is a means of moving forward, not back. It is essentially the dissolution of a contract. Maintaining a rational focus will help the process be as smooth and comfortable as possible.

Step Seven: Start to imagine a future without your partner. Take stock of all your skills, your attributes, your career path, your parenting style. Write a list of all the qualities that are great about you! Work on building that positive separate identity, as a means of preparing for the future. Many times the true reason for a protracted and bitter divorce is simply that one party in the marriage can not let go. As you embrace the future as a single person, you will find that the healing process will be natural and fulfilling. Holding on to a marriage through a protracted divorce action is like keeping a band-aid on a cut for too long – you need to let yourself breath in order to heal.

Step Eight: consider therapy for yourself or your children. If you are not a fan of therapy, consider a Divorce support group. You may need some help to get through this life transition. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or support from a professional, from your friends, or a rabbi, minister, or a leader within your faith. This is a time to be willing to have support from others – isolation during a divorce is a mistake that often leads to depression and anxiety.

Step Nine: Notice the progress you make and reward yourself. Each fruitful mediation session can be exhausting, so take a moment to congratulate yourself for having to courage to trust the process.

Step Ten: count your blessings! If you complete a divorce through mediation in 5 – 10 sessions, at a costo of $1,500 – $3,000 (as many couples do), give yourself a hug and spread the message! Divorce doesn’t have to be tremendously costly and you don’t have to go bankrupt in the process. Yes, you can have a health and financially comfortable divorce through Mediation. And your children’s needs can be cared for in the process.

While many of us hope for a perfect marriage and a love that lasts forever, in real life we often must give up that dream in order to find a comfortable lifestyle . Sometimes that lifestyle is one of being single. Feeling that you have made the right decision often involves measuring that you have not lost yourself or what is most valuable to you in the process.

Mediation can be a peaceful, self-enhancing process that allows couples the opportunity to move on with less rancor. This may mean healing without a lot of scar tissue. It means finding a way to move forward with forgiveness for your partner and for yourself. If you know you tried your best to amicably finalize your divorce, you will be able to live with yourself in the future. The efforts you make for a peaceful solution, and the courage to try Mediation, will be among your accomplishments in life.

Next Article: Mediation Is Cost-Efficient

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Mediation Is Cost -Efficient

By Attorney Harry Kaufman • July 17, 2019

“You talk, I’ll listen.” Active listening (making eye contact, not interrupting, trying to validate the speaker) is the surest way to enhance communication. When your partner feels heard, even if you don’t agree with each other, you set the stage for a favorable negotiation. “Would it be OK with you if I make a suggestion?” Ask permission - you will usually get an affirmative response, but by asking permission, you have engaged your partner in the discussion. “Let’s start with the areas where we agree.” In Mediation and any fruitful dialogue, the key is to build on success. “I acknowledge this is difficult for both of us.” In Mediation, it’s essential to be aware and sensitive the pain of dissolving a partnership and know that sadness and anger are human and are a natural, predictable part of a divorce. “There are no wrong answers when we brainstorm solutions, only options that we may choose to pursue or choose to discard.” As you negotiate a settlement, learn not to fear adverse reactions, and learn to withhold criticism. Sometimes the least likely and most creative solution ends up being the plan both partners can agree to, and ultimately chosen. “We’ve given this marriage what we were capable of giving, so let’s find a peaceful way to settle things.” Commitment to respecting the process, trying to stay logical, containing criticism and trying to stay positive are respectful ways to acknowledge that you both have tried hard to make things work and are willing to move towards a reasonable settlement calmly. “I’d like to propose...” This is a much easier statement to hear than “I want” or “I need.” It assumes that there is a calm process of the proposal followed by a counter-proposal. “I’d like to try...” This phrase often starts a discussion of parenting issues/custody and visitation agreements. Always be aware that the best interests of the children are paramount legally and as parents. A fluid discussion and awareness that as children develop, the arrangement may need to change to benefit the children are essential here. “I believe we will find a solution.” Optimism and hope are the hallmarks of a successful negotiation. It may take a few sessions to get there- but remember Mediation is a process. Your belief in a positive outcome (a less expensive and yet durable divorce agreement) is the positive energy that will drive you towards that peaceful, comfortable outcome. “Thank you.” The most important piece! Gratitude! In every marriage, we begin with hope and love, and somewhere along the way, something went wrong. But treasure the positive memories. Recall the good times, as that fabric is part of your life also. Acknowledgment of your partner’s strengths and good intentions are central to a comfortable, peaceful mediated divorce. Next Article: Ten ways to treat yourself well when you are going through a divorce Click Here For More Information On Divorce Mediation

Ten ways to treat yourself well when you are going through a divorce:

By Attorney Harry Kaufman • April 4, 2019

Forgive yourself- you did the best you could; Avoid replaying your mistakes and partners mistakes; Stay future oriented; Nurture relationships and start to build a new support network; Use creative outlets: photography, journal, draw, sing, dance; Reconnect with spiritual direction; Take care of your children, they need you now; Avoid substances and sugar addiction; Exercise; Be polite - be proud of being a good person in times of duress; Try mediation as a collaborative peaceful and respectful process. It will save you money and help your heart so you can move forward in a peaceful way Next Article: Creative Solutions for Touch Times Click Here For More Information On Divorce Mediation

Creative Solutions for Tough Times

By Attorney Harry Kaufman • April 4, 2019

When people come to see us for Mediation, it is one of the hardest and most challenging times of their life. We understand this and also believe that there can be healing and growth in the midst of calamity. Sometimes in Mediation couples explore new patterns of behavior–speak up more, discuss issues calmly– and develop healthier systems of communication over time, with coaching and positive reinforcement.

10 Steps to a Cleaner, Quicker, Less Costly Divorce – Part 1

By Attorney Harry Kaufman • October 9, 2018

Ignoring Divorce, much of our advertising industry capitalizes on the idea that perfect love is the stuff of our dreams. In the beginning, our hopes hover on the dream of the ideal wedding: white lace, a gorgeous princess-like wedding gown, champagne, and handwritten vows. And once the wedding is over and we switch dreams as we seek the perfect marriage.