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“You talk, I’ll listen.” Active listening (making eye contact, not interrupting, trying to validate the speaker) is the surest way to enhance communication. When your partner feels heard, even if you don’t agree with each other, you set the stage for a favorable negotiation. “Would it be OK with you if I make a suggestion?” Ask permission - you will usually get an affirmative response, but by asking permission, you have engaged your partner in the discussion. “Let’s start with the areas where we agree.” In Mediation and any fruitful dialogue, the key is to build on success. “I acknowledge this is difficult for both of us.” In Mediation, it’s essential to be aware and sensitive the pain of dissolving a partnership and know that sadness and anger are human and are a natural, predictable part of a divorce. “There are no wrong answers when we brainstorm solutions, only options that we may choose to pursue or choose to discard.” As you negotiate a settlement, learn not to fear adverse reactions, and learn to withhold criticism. Sometimes the least likely and most creative solution ends up being the plan both partners can agree to, and ultimately chosen. “We’ve given this marriage what we were capable of giving, so let’s find a peaceful way to settle things.” Commitment to respecting the process, trying to stay logical, containing criticism and trying to stay positive are respectful ways to acknowledge that you both have tried hard to make things work and are willing to move towards a reasonable settlement calmly. “I’d like to propose...” This is a much easier statement to hear than “I want” or “I need.” It assumes that there is a calm process of the proposal followed by a counter-proposal. “I’d like to try...” This phrase often starts a discussion of parenting issues/custody and visitation agreements. Always be aware that the best interests of the children are paramount legally and as parents. A fluid discussion and awareness that as children develop, the arrangement may need to change to benefit the children are essential here. “I believe we will find a solution.” Optimism and hope are the hallmarks of a successful negotiation. It may take a few sessions to get there- but remember Mediation is a process. Your belief in a positive outcome (a less expensive and yet durable divorce agreement) is the positive energy that will drive you towards that peaceful, comfortable outcome. “Thank you.” The most important piece! Gratitude! In every marriage, we begin with hope and love, and somewhere along the way, something went wrong. But treasure the positive memories. Recall the good times, as that fabric is part of your life also. Acknowledgment of your partner’s strengths and good intentions are central to a comfortable, peaceful mediated divorce. Next Article: Ten ways to treat yourself well when you are going through a divorce Click Here For More Information On Divorce Mediation

Forgive yourself- you did the best you could; Avoid replaying your mistakes and partners mistakes; Stay future oriented; Nurture relationships and start to build a new support network; Use creative outlets: photography, journal, draw, sing, dance; Reconnect with spiritual direction; Take care of your children, they need you now; Avoid substances and sugar addiction; Exercise; Be polite - be proud of being a good person in times of duress; Try mediation as a collaborative peaceful and respectful process. It will save you money and help your heart so you can move forward in a peaceful way Next Article: Creative Solutions for Touch Times Click Here For More Information On Divorce Mediation

When people come to see us for Mediation, it is one of the hardest and most challenging times of their life. We understand this and also believe that there can be healing and growth in the midst of calamity. Sometimes in Mediation couples explore new patterns of behavior–speak up more, discuss issues calmly– and develop healthier systems of communication over time, with coaching and positive reinforcement.

Sadness, self-doubt, and a sense of failure are often the psychic costs of a divorce. However, while mourning and a grieving process are inevitable, there are ways to stave off the worst consequences of a hiring a divorce attorney. Divorce mediation is a much better alternative.